Dirk Anger

Origin

Dirk Anger is ninety years old. He stays so pretty by taking drugs. H.A.T.E. has the best drugs, and he takes special H.A.T.E., life extending drugs. Because H.A.T.E. loves him and he love H.A.T.E, for every day of his horrible, drug-extended, terrorist-fighting life.

Every day, he smokes two hundred cigarettes and one hundred cigars. His dinner is raw meat with drink a bottle of whisky and three bottles of wine. The chef serves him a live animal, and he kills it with his bare hands and eats what he wants. The rest he has buried in New Jersey.

He also has his mother’s old clothing, which he wears and prizes more then anything on this earth.

Creation

Dirk Anger is a parody of Nick Fury created by Warren Ellis for the sole purpose of Nextwave, as Marvel would not allow Warren to portray Fury as a suicidal, drug-fueled lunatic who wears his mother’s dresses.

Major Story Arcs

Head of H.A.T.E.

Anger hung himself in an accidentally successful suicide attempt in his room while two female agents listened outside. They didn’t help him, because the noises they heard were the same as the ones he made while looking at illegal websites. That didn’t stop H.A.T.E. from bringing him back as a depressed zombie, however.

He promptly crashes the H.A.T.E ship into a base, claiming that suicide is now a group activity.

Later, Dirk Anger appears (seemingly as his normal self) in World War Hulks.

Powers and Abilities

Dirk Anger is a skilled secret agent who has access to untold resources through his connection with H.A.T.E., the Beyond Corporation and S.I.L.E.N.T. He is conceivably highly skilled in hand-to-hand combat and marksmanship, though it’s a strong possibility that he is incompetent. Anger has a zombie chip that is implanted in his brain. He tried to kill himself and now commands H.A.T.E. as a zombie.

Other Media

Toys

In 2016, an action-figure of Nick Fury was brought out by HASBRO with a special ‘alternate head’ of Dirk Anger. If you wanted, you could remove Nick Fury’s head and use Dirk Anger’s head, effectively having a Dirk Anger action figure.