Hermes Conrad

Hermes is the husband of LaBarbara, and father of their son, Dwight. They are all Jamaican. Hermes is unlike most Jamaicans, as he is uptight and organized all the time. If even the simplest of papers go out of order, he goes ballistic. He even once argued with himself about trying to take the day off, but told himself “I was in no mood for my shenanigans.”

Hermes used to be a Olympic limbo champion. He retired during an Olympic competition when a small young boy, who wanted to be just like Hermes, jumped from the crowd, and ran for the limbo line, screaming, “I’m gonna be just like Hermes!” over and over again. Hermes called after the boy, telling him his backbone couldn’t take it. The boy died, and Hermes didn’t limbo again until the crew was stranded on an outer space version of the Titanic, and an emergency door was shutting, and Zoidberg was able to hold the door open for a few minutes, and Hermes limbo-d under the door, hitting the release button on the other side.

Hermes often screams rhyming phrases when surprised, and often refers to green snakes and sugar cane plants for comparison. (“Our electric bill is climbin’ faster than a green snake up a sugar cane.”) Hermes also appears to have smoked a lot of pot in his years, as he is often seen trying to hide things, referring to pot, and people making comments on his problem.

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