Lord Gaylord

Major Story Arcs

Lord Gaylord, a native of the planet Pillbox, and member of the Goyimian empire, tires of the long war between the Goyimians and the Machovians. The Goyimians told him to go to Bingbangboom to build a doomsday weapon. However, he decided not to build it, and simply told them that he had, and that it was powerful enough to destroy both empires at once. This made both empires fearful. They sent people to stop him, but once they met him they also feel in love with his dream of peace and lived with him in a sort of secret peace commune.

Moonshadow‘s army squad was sent on one of these missions. His leader, Sgt. Chesterbarrel, was convinced to stay with Gaylord, but Moon was still full of the romance of war, and his friend Ira thought Gaylord’s castle was sort of like another Zoo, a place of captivity even if it was dedicated to peace, so they left.

Gaylord next meets Moon on the mall planet of Gimmegimme. Gaylord felt that Ira’s critique was true, and that he was not doing enough for peace. So he threatened both empires that he would use the (nonexistent) bomb unless they declared peace. They did so, and Gaylord went to Gimmegimme to see the celebration. Moon is in bad shape, so Gaylord takes him home to Pillbox, where he lives in the beautiful rural town of Poof.

There Gaylord returns to his favored life as an inventor, making all sorts of crazy things in his studio. He lives with his (implied) gay lover, Mr. Dimhoffer, their friend Mrs. Flimflam, and her niece, Bettina. They welcome Moon happily, and he has a wonderful time with them all. Gaylord becomes a mentor and adopted uncle to Moon.

Gaylord’s main goal as an inventor and philosopher is to find proof of God. He often enjoys arguing and teaching philosophy with Moon, particularly the teachings of Ragstone Phillit (who does not believe there is any meaning to life) and Shree Quack-Quack H’onnka (who does, and with whom Gaylord agrees). He tries to invent a Supernal Compass to discover proof of God.

Moon eventually leaves to find his friend Ira, who was kidnapped. While he is gone, Gaylord’s lab explodes. Pobidiah Unkshuss, who wanted the war with Goyimia to continue, sabotaged it. However, he made it look like Gaylord’s Supernal Compass experiments blew up. Bettina and Mrs. Flimflam are out, and survive, but Mr. Dimhoffer is killed, and it seems as if Gaylord is killed as well. When Moon finally returns, he is shocked and cannot deal with their deaths. He leaves without going to the funeral.

However, some time later, Moon receives a letter from Gaylord, saying that he survived the explosion and has found the mysterious Shree Quack-Quack H’onnka on the World of Mists. He asks Moon to join him. Moon isn’t sure if the letter is real, but goes to the World of Mists. He never finds Gaylord, but he does have a mystical Awakening similar to what Gaylord was searching for all this time.

At the end, it is unclear whether the letter from Gaylord is real, and if he is truly alive. Moonshadow wonders if the letter was actually created by the G’L-Doses, a powerful race of aliens that act on whim.